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MORE JOKES FOR WOMEN

Q: Why are married women heavier than single women?
A: Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A: Both of them.

Q: Why did the man cross the road?
A: He heard the chicken was a slut.

Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm cells to fertilize one egg?
A: They won't stop to ask directions.

Q: What do men and sperm have in common?
A: They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

Q: How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer.

Q: What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A: The bonds mature.

Q: Why are blonde jokes so short?
A: So men can remember them.

Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We don't know; it has never happened.

Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A: They all already have boyfriends.

Q: What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A: A Widow.

Q: How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?
A: His hand caught fire.

Q: How do you get a man to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes.

Q: What did God say after creating Adam?
A: I must be able to do better than that.

Q: What did God say after creating Eve?
A: "Practice makes perfect."

Q: How are men and parking spots alike?
A: Good ones are always taken. Free ones are mostly handicapped or extremely small.

Q: What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?
A: They are married.

MEN ARE LIKE...

Men are like.....Floor tile.Lay them right the first time and you can walk on them for a lifetime.

Men are like.....Placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table.

Men are like.....Mascara.They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like.....Bike helmets.Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

Men are like.....Government bonds.They take so long to mature.

Men are like.....Parking spots.The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small.

Men are like.....Copiers.You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

Men are like.....Lava lamps.Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Men are like.....Bank accounts.Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Men are like.....High heels.They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Men are like.....Curling irons.They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

Men are like.....Mini skirts.If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.

Men are like.....Bananas.The older they get, the less firm they are.