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COMPUTERS

YOU KNOW YOUR ADDICTED TO THE INTERNET WHEN...


1. You turn off your modem and get an awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one

2. Your wife drapes a blonde wig over the monitor to remind you what she looks like

3. All your friends have @ in their names

4. You cant call your mother....she doesnt have a modem

5. You start tilting your head sideways to smile :-)

6. Your best friend is someone you've never met

7. You enter your password on the microwave

8. You haven't played solitaire with real cards for years

9. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South America, But you haven't spoken to your next door neighbour this year

10. Your reasons for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have email addresses

11. You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person

12. Someone at work tells a joke and you say LOL

13. Your last sexual experience was just a "textual" experience

14. You read this entire list and keep nodding and smiling







IS YOUR COMPUTER MALE OR FEMALE?

As you are aware, ships have long been characterized as being female (e.g., "Steady as she goes" or "She's listing to starboard Captain!"). Recently, a group of computer scientists (all males) announced that computers should also be referred to as being female. Their reasons for drawing this conclusion follow:

Five reasons to believe computers are female:

1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. The message "Bad command or file name" is about as informative as, "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."

4. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval;

5. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.


However, another group of computer scientists (all female) think that computers should be referred to as if they were male. Their reasons follow:

Five reasons to believe computers are male:

1. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless;

2. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem;

3. As soon as you commit to one you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have obtained a better model;

4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on;

5. Big power surges knock them out for the rest of the night.