EXPLICIT

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EXPLICIT

DONT YOU HATE IT WHEN

When people say, "Oh, you just want to have your cake and eat it too." What the fuck good is a goddamn cake you can't eat? What, should I just let my fuckin' cake sit there, and look and look and look, and try to find someone else who has cake, and eat their fucking cake instead?Fuck off.

When people say, "It's always in the last place you look". What the fuck??? Of course it fucking is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've already fucking found it? Who the fuck are these people?

When people interrupt you while you're watching a movie, and say:"Did you see that???!!!" No, dickhead, I pay $8 fuckin'50 to come to the fuckin' theater to stare at the back of the fucker's head in front of me. What the fuck do YOU come here for? To annoy the fuck outta me?

People who ask, "Can I ask you a question?" Didn't really give me a fuckin' choice there, did ya, ya sorry fuck. Hey, do you mind if I shoot you in the fuckin' head? Ooops, sorry...

People who POINT at their wrist and ask, "Do you know the time?"Hey, I KNOW where I wear MY fuckin' watch buddy, where the fuck do you wear yours? Up your fuckin' ass, maybe? Should I point at myfuckin' crotch when I ask you where the bathroom is? Or maybe I should just pull out my fuckin' dick, and piss on your fuckin' leg, you mother fucker.

People who say, "I don't really mean to interrupt..." REALLY?Then shutthafuckup. Damn. It's pretty fuckin' simple.

People who come up to you when you're standing in line and say, "Excuse me, are you in line?" No, excuse ME, I didn't know you were fucking BLIND. Or do you think that I'm fuckin' standing right behind this fuckin' guy because I just REALLY like the way his fucking ass smells? Tell you what, Mr. Stinky, why don't you just shut up and stand back there and smell MY ass, you fuck. I WOULD tell you to suck my dick, but you'd probably DO IT, you miserable fucking pervert.

People who just stop you at random and ask, "Do you know how to get to so-and-so?" What- do I look like fuckin' Habib down at the the fuckin' Exxon, or something? Are you saying my fucking ass is so big that I must have the whole fuckin' Encyclopedia Brittanica shoved in there, and I can just fucking pull one out and tell you the answers to some random shit? ... Yeah, I got your fuckin' directions right here: Getthafuckouttahere, ya fuckin' tourist.

MOST VENOMOUS SNAKE IN THE WORLD

NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake)

LOCATION: Throughout the world

DESCRIPTION:
One-eyed, with mushroom-shaped head (other types come with extra layers of skin)
Varying from pink to black.

Fang-less with a highly venomous spit. (Spit can reach distances up to 2-3 feet)

* Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood & sub-species.

SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks mainly women in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then a severe swelling followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal.
Beware: It has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen!

HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most unusual places.

ANTIDOTE:
Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the venom is injected into the body only drastic measures will ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote for men.

WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED

TOURNIQUET: Do not apply a tourniquet as the venom is too deep in the body to be affected.

CUTTING THE WOUND: This would be completely unnecessary and ineffective as the bleeding will stop after a few weeks anyhow.

SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most popular with the victim, but so far has not been reported to have led to any success.

SEARCHING FOR ANTI-VENOM :

1. Place four fingers of the right hand around the neck of the reptile, with the thumb in the front.

2. Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards and downwards motion.

3. This will result in the snake becoming highly aggressive, very rigid and start spitting.

4. The time taken for this milking process depends entirely on the milker and the last time the snake attacked.

5. Once milked, the snake should be harmless for about 20 minutes.

CONCLUSION: This snake, although it is very aggressive and active, is not necessarily a vermin, and treated with the right respect, makes a wonderful pet.