Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here...don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!"
The next day, the second woman steps on a duck and along comes St. Peter who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man and he chains them together for the same punishment as the first woman.
The third woman has observed all of this and not wanting the same punishment, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She goes for months without stepping on any ducks, when one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever seen. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The woman remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity."
And the man replies, "Well, I don't know what you did, but I stepped on a duck!"
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THE PRIEST AND THE NUN
A priest and nun are on their way back home from a trip when their car breaks down. They are unable to get it fixed, so they decide to spend the night in a hotel. The only hotel in the town has only one room available.
Priest: Sister, I don't think the Lord would have a problem, under the circumstances, if we spent the night together in this one room. I'll sleep on the lounge and you have the bed.
Nun: I think that would be okay. They prepare for bed and each one takes their agreed place in the room.
Ten minutes later... Nun: Father, I'm terribly cold.
Priest: Okay, I'll get you a blanket. (He does)
Ten minutes later... Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold.
Priest: Okay Sister, I'll get you another blanket. (He does)
Ten minutes later... Nun: Father, I'm still terribly cold. I don't think the Lord would mind if we acted as man and wife just for this one night.
Priest: You're probably right...get up and get your own damn blanket.
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